Thoughts On Love And Smoking podcast series: #2 Mozhgan (We Are Monsters)

For the second installment in our podcast series we're delighted to be able to bring you an absolutely brilliant mix from one of the shining lights of the San Francisco scene. 'We Are Monsters' resident, Mozhgan. Draining the fevered sweat from San Frans' underbelly since 2011, the 'We Are Monsters' crew of Solar, Jason Greer and Mozhgan have all been described as a 'best kept secret' of sorts, tag now however that is becoming wholly inappropriate given their current rise. All can now be found playing across Europe's summer festival season with spots at the likes of Dekmantel and Croatia's Garden Party as well as the Sunset Campout parties in California and further afield, serving up top shelf beats ranging from odd disco excursions over analogue jams to cold wave synths and louche Italo and anything that tickles their fancies.
Mozhgan is most definitely DJ who expresses and exercises his/her freedom. Going many places,touching on many genres, telling endless musical stories. For great DJ's, knowing music doesn't mean specialising in one particular style, far from it! It's about creating a trans-generational, genre-unspecific and more versatile sound. A truly cosmic perspective tapping into a wider spectrum of influences. Comfortable throwing together sets which touch base with everything from dub, disco, afro, techno, rock and industrial sounds, it's these ideas that mark Mozhgan out as a truly great selector and the reason we were so happy she so readily agreed to contribute this mix to our series . Anyway, that's enough of our rabbiting on, we highly recommend that you check out her Soundcloud here for a bunch of other great mixes too but before then, sit back, press play and turn. It. UP. X

Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

Life imitates art as Daniel actaully does the stars this month!! + Traxx on RLS/NTS at Dekmantel 2015.

Anti-mimesis is a philosophical position that holds the direct opposite of Aristotelian mimesis. Its most notable proponent was Oscar Wilde, who opined in his 1889 essay 'The Decay Of The Light' that, "Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life". In the essay, written as a Platonic Dialogue, Wilde holds that anti-mimesis "results not merely from Life's imitative instinct, but from the fact that the self-conscious aim of Life is to find expression, and that Art offers it certain beautiful forms through which it may realise that energy." With this all in mind it's with some incredulity that I have to inform you that after months of me assuming Dunsfords identity that Danny has actually done the stars himself this month! Read on you poor confused fools!!!!!


Aries:
It's in the wind, it's all around you. Love? No, asbestos. You're fucked mate. I told you to get that certificate before you pulled that shed down. Not sure why I bother. Don't expect grapes in hospital.

Taurus:
Strong, reliable Taurus. You could be stronger though and as the moon is in the third house this month, take this opportunity to buy those steroids from Big Dave at the gym. Ask for Winstrol. It's the SHIT!

Gemini:
People are talking at work and it's not that jacket/blouse (how the fuck should I know? I'm not psychic you cunt) you just bought. You're weird. You're weird and that thing you do with your nose you think is 'cute' really isn't. It makes you look like you've got Bells Palsy. PACK IT IT! Your feminine and masculine natures are connected but that's the least of your problems.

Cancer:
Your philanthropic side may want to come out and do good works today, Cancer. Your default mode is to care for others but you're very good at overriding that and senselessly murdering strangers. Swings and roundabouts innit.

Leo:
It's going to be a funny old month for you. You'll come into money but you'll also get caught wanking into your Mam's purse. It's not for me to judge but you'll probably go to Hell. Get all of the facts before you proceed.

John Virgo:
That waistcoat looks WELL PENG! Nah bruv, it really does! Fortune favours a televised 147 and a weekend away with Richard Hammond and Dave Benson Phillips. Proceed with caution.

Libra:
The scales are balanced finely but you're one up after you smashed that hard drive. The beak and the CPS have got fuck all on you blud.

Scorpio:
Mustn't grumble eh? That QuickQuid loan has just cleared with a mere 1247% representative APR. The extra nightshifts will cause your wife to leave you, but you'll have enough left for a brass. A classic Scorpio, you know how to prioritise. Bravo!

Sagittarius:
Why are we here? What is the purpose? What is the plan? Don't we flatter ourselves when we indulge the idea that this vast cosmos has a specific destiny in mind for each of us? It doesn't.
Straight up. It's an unfathomable void of nothing stretching to the far limits of the expanding singularity. Eat chips for luck and you'll get a tiny pay rise that takes you out of the Tax Credits threshold.

Capricorn:
Summer is here and you need a reward.Treat yourself to a holiday in Jersey. Buy a Cornetto. Eat the cunt on the beach, eh? You can't though! That bastard divorce is costing you a shit-tonne. Cheat fate by watching every episode of Bergerac in a tan leather jacket. Get used to it. This is your life now.

Aquarius:
You'll re-connect with the inner you at a liquid drum n' bass night in an old pottery studio come warehouse space.

Pisces:
Fucking getting sick of this now. Taxed this last part off of Justin Toper. Fucking Nutkins-a-like owes me a score from that thing we did at that gaff anyhow that time. 'What took place recently has no doubt left you shell-shocked or put you on alert. Suspicious, or what?! Fortunately, a partner or accomplice is sure to come up with an idea that cannot be dismissed too lightly today. After which, you should be able to gamble at leisure'.

Till next month.
Dan. X



We've featured Traxx a few times now here on TOLAS but this new mix from the people at Red Light Radio is an absolute blinder. Recorded for them during this years Dekmantel festival in Amsterdam it's a 2 hour, freeform radio jam that touches on almost every genre, no matter how obscure, you care to mention. Do yourself a favour and jam in in your ears, REAL LOUD!

Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

Here man! It's Mike Rolfe's Music Review, hew!

Are you in need of some new music in your world? Bored with your iTunes library? Looking to spice up your collection of EPs? You got ears? YOU GOT EARS IDIOT? Well, sit back, relax and read on, my Rocker Boys as we let  Mike Rolfe, Newcastle's moodiest musical polymath and it's third biggest bastard give you a guide to the 5 next big things!

M.R. - "Here, right! Listed below are, like, five fucking artists that I reckon are about to take the music scene by storm. Get to know these hot up-and-comers and be the coolest Guitar Man on the block, for once in your life!

First up is a band called: Fat Feet Foot.

Who Are They?: Based out of Byker, this band has legs for days. No but it does. It’s just legs AND fat ones, too. These fat legs sing at you with such passion, you’ll be like, “oh.”
Critics agree, “what” and “the hell is this.”

Sample Song Lyric:' I walked into your house and what did I see / piles of knight statues looking at me / what the hell is this shit, Jim?'

– from “He's got piles”

Where to catch them next? In a bin somewhere.

Next up it's a group of lads calling themselves: The Golden Chip, Chip Shop But A Band.

Who Are They?: Imagine if your favorite chip shop/legal high retailer was a band! Then forget about that, because that’s not what this is! 'The Golden Chip, Chip shop But Band' are three big lads from Prudhoe who don’t know what words are but when they hold hands, music happens for some reason. The Evening Chronicle calls them, “probably not music and actually kind of frightening.”

Sample Song Lyric: Why do you have a crow in your bathroom / I thought it was a towel and it bit me.

– from “Why Do You Have A Crow In Your Bathroom?”

Where to catch them next?: This, like, barn.

Next up it's the turn of: 'Juuuuuust Kevin!'

Who Are They?: 18 blokes called Kevin who sometimes team up and use their hands for instruments! I saw them at Cluny 3 the other week and the only things I said all night were, “they’re just clapping” followed by, “I think I’m going to go do something else.” Thats ALL I COULD FUCKIN' SAY MAN!!

Sample Song Lyric: Let’s hit the dance floor / we’ll do it right / come on let’s dance / gonna make you feel like you’re floating / hang on you’re actually floating, oh god you’re a ghost.

– from “Come On Let’s Dance Wait Unless You’re A Ghost."

Where To Catch Them Next: Your lasses house.

Next up we've got: Doorwayzz With Feelingzz.

Who Are They?: Get ready for the most unusually sexual, actual doorways you have ever fucking seen or heard of. They're CLASS! You’ll feel extremely uncomfortable and go, “Is that a door?” followed by, “Fuck,, what’s it deein'?” when they take the stage and do properly strange things with each other while also somehow singing with nee mouths, man.

Sample Song Lyric: Give me your hand / let me hold your hand / I want to hold your hand / wait is your hand a fin, what the fuck?

– from “Yee Wanna Hold Handz (With A Doorway, like?)”

Where to catch them next?: Your lasses, lads hoose.

Lastly it's: Derek-Upon-Tweed.

Who Are They?: Derek-Upon-Tweed are the newest music trend to sweep the nation and have headlined literally every single music festival of 2015, sometimes being the only act IN THE WHOLE SHOW and just doing their set 19 times! Listen as they flap in the wind, hypothetically AND literally punching its contents into your ears. But don’t just take my word for it!

“I love Derek-Upon-Tweed!” said one 2015 Ingrum Valley Music & Arts Festival attendee.

“I’ve been to every single one of their shows. What better is there to do with your life than follow D.U.T. everywhere?” said another.

“I think that with that rubbish bin onstage they're trying to say something! I don’t know anything!” another person just like shouted at me, rudely.

Sample Song Lyric: You make me feel so safe and so right / in your arms, I feel the warmth and I feel the light / you have 8 arms and, OH SHITE! YOU'RE A FIRE OCTOPUSS!

– from "Yee've Got Owa Many Arms”

Where to see them : Everywhere! Everywhere!!!! Everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Till next time.

You can all PISS RIGHT OFF!! Mike. X

Thoughts On Love And Smoking Podcast Series: #1 Bird Of Paradise.

Well, after what seems like an interminable amount of humming and harring and lengthy periods of procrastination, I've eventually managed to pull my finger out for long enough to get a brand new, exclusive monthly podcast series up and running. Without sounding too smug, I think I've managed to nail the exact balance with our first 3 or 4 confirmed guests starting off with long time friend of TOLAS, Bird Of Paradise.
Bird of Paradise is Jo Howard's solo project. Hailing from the frozen wastelands of Sunderland in the mystical North East of England he started organising parties in early 2012 in his native lands along with his good friend Clark 'Pav' Davison, the other half of 'Cubik'. As well as being a resident at his own renowned events Jo frequently appeared at some of the North's finest underground nights.
Having began working on his own material in early 2014, he caught the attention of some exciting and innovative labels and released E.P's on Join Our Club and Itchy Pig Records. This gathered great support from names like Red Axes, Eric Duncan and Chida to name a few.
After a busy 6 months, forthcoming in 2015 are a number of releases from labels such as Jennifer Cardini's Correspondant, Have a Killer Time, LBL, Join Our Club and remixes on Throne of Blood, Nein and Blindetonation so keep 'em peeled. But first and foremost, enjoy the mix he's put together for us.



Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

MILK/Smagghe & Richards/Biggles/Kick Start/Teenagers. Make of that lot what you will.

Milk. It is the greatest drink ever. I drink milk for fun. I’ll down it like shots, out of a ramekin.

Milk. So it is with this pointless aside about milk that I begin this entry about Sainsbury’s.

I can’t be doing without milk. It’s like having blood. Or oxygen. Or Call Of Duty. Or sex….oh. Right. Anyway. I’m so into milk that at school I kept all the milk for myself and warded off attackers to my milk mountain using old boxes as a fort, tossing house-bricks at any unfortunates trying to approach. School that year was not pleasant for anyone. I made sure.

Milk is what provided the catalyst for my morning yawning and trip to Morrisons. It’s too far to walk without it being a chore. Too close to not to. I bravely soldiered on, through the Tolkien wastes of the level crossing, the mysterious mountainous regions of past the leisure centre, and the incredible vista of that bit where the roundabout is.

Like Okenshield, I staunchly pressed on, through roads and stuff until finally, the laughing face of commercialism. Morrisons! Possessively titled fun shack of food. I picked up a basket and wandered in, murmuring “Oh good. The stench of humans…..shouldn’t say that out loud really” Nobody heard me. I wandered the aisles somewhat aimlessly, finding some necessary items. Some not so necessary. Processed peas? What madness took me? Several things happened. Firstly, while browsing for something or other I heard what sounded like a choking child next aisle.

I said this out loud, to nobody: “Sounds like Bart Simpson being strangled next aisle. Not so funny in real life.”

Rounding the next corner, I was face-to face with a terrifying teenager, a fixed expression, blank, soulless eyes. It was like being faced with Damien out of the Omen. Try to imagine that moment. Go on. Me staring into the face of a 16 year old kid. I dropped gaze and moved on. Terrifying events in the cereal aisle.

Moving on and more fruitless wandering ended up with some apples being tossed blithely into the basket and a pang of jealously as a child swung a trolley around with joy. I can’t do that, anymore. Pissing about with trolleys. It’s all gone now. Along with Kick Start, Spangles and the Cold War. Modern Britain.

I check out. I started laughing uncontrollably as I imagined a range of Biggles books for modern times. Biggles learns to Cry. Biggles learns some home truths. Biggles and the Death Hat. I am punched back into sense by a fussy checkout, which keeps calling the fucking attendant because of weight problems. Saying “Cheers mate” six times now sticks in my craw like screen burn. I had to say it six times, because it took two goes for the machine to shut up the three times it happened. Rowdy computer. Next time I'm bringing a gun for that cunt.

So that’s that. I’m home now, having laid into the apples, Frosties and Laughing Cow. Now why don’t you just fuck off, yeah?

It's no secret that as DJ's and record producers we've held both Smagghe and Richards in high esteem for a very long time here at TOLAS, and we need very little excuse to chuck some of their music up on here. As such, I must give my iPod and in particular the shuffle feature the credit for this.
I'll not go on an extended biog/history about either of them, so have included a quick bluffers guide.

Yadda, yadda, Enigmatic Frenchman, blah, blah, DJ & Producer, rhubarb, rhubarb, Rough Trade, Paris, yadda, yadda, Radio Nova, blah, blah, Black Strobe and It’s A Fine Line, Facebook polemicist, cough, cough.
*Deep breath*
Fabric residency, etc, etc, Tyrant, blah, blah, Fist or finger, yadda, yadda,,,,,

Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

Mystic Dan ruins your month with his HORRORSCOPE and WITCHCRAFT & a new Needle Exchange mix from me,,, to also ruin your month!!

IT'S MYSTIC DAN AND HE'S BACK AGAIN TO TELL YOU WHATS IN STORE FOR YOU IN THE COMING MONTH!

Aquarius:
Can you hear a high pitched whistling noise? Yes? That’s because your hearing is fucked. On the plus side, tinnitus is really handy for getting out of social events.
Time to de-scale your kettle.

Pisces:
Your inflatable neck rest will pop on a long haul flight. Long story short: NEVER FLY AIR BALTIC unless you want chronic whiplash.
Wear blue for a pay rise. Probably.

Aries:
If your hamstrings are tight, wait until the full moon wanes… or see a physio.
You are trying to find new ways of making money but remember, it’s illegal to sell firearms on eBay.
When in a rage, you have a look of Beryl Reid.

Taurus:
“Everything comes to those who wait.” This is a lie. You must prise yourself out of your armchair if you do not want to die alone.
Your low arches are giving you a shit-tonne of gyp this week and a fall from a window will result in shattered calcaniums.

Gemini:
You will win a bucking bronco competition but knock your front teeth out in the process. That’s life! We are all on a one way trip to a pine box. Console yourself with a custard tart.

Cancer:
Don’t bother going to the dentist; he is giving you fillings you don’t need for the cash.
You took more tinned peaches than strictly necessary to May’s Harvest Festival and your generosity will finally be rewarded in the shape of tickets to see Derek Acorah live.

Leo:
Your head will swell up when you supplement your income by taking part in medical trials. Wait for it to go down before getting your new passport photo or you will be setting yourself up for a whole new heap of shit.

Virgo:
Your bed sores are getting worse. Get a friend to flip you over occasionally.
Most Virgos can tell when Mercury is in retrograde because their shins will ache like billy-o.

Libra:

Stress will cause you to take up shoplifting. You will be caught red handed with a bag of Babybels. Embarrassing. Though It didn’t do Winona Ryde r any harm did it? She went on to make the film Black Swan where Natalie Portman gets muffed out. You haven’t seen it – treat yourself!

Scorpio:
You will fail your driving test theory for the 47th time. Next time, try cheating by writing the answers up your arms or sleeping with the man who marks the papers. This all depends on how big your arms are and what the examiner looks like.

Sagittarius:
Mars will cause you to slip a disc, spilling your coffee and scalding your feet, meaning they swell up and you have to get your Dr Martens cut off/surgically removed. Your Dr Martens can be replaced. Your disc, however, is utterly fucked.

Capricorn:
You will lose your dachshund to quicksand on Tuesday. Try not to dwell on his demise, it was mercifully quick (hence the name ‘quick’ sand).
Wear a copper bracelet to ward against rheumatism and making friends.

Love and vibezZzZz.
Mystic Danz. X

Well then! Thats your stars for the month, now a bit of music to calm you down or more likely put you in a bad mood. The latest in the 'Needle Exchange' series birthed from my very hand. 2 decks all live, one take as per usual. The first half is a bit like Jackie Chan who after taking offence to an embarrassing etiquette gaff would engage you in two hours of elaborate pre-fight rituals before employing a joiners stool in a comedy manner to win a brawl then the second is more like Chuck Norris who'd just give you a spin kick round the back of the neck and call your missus a cunt. Anyhow, there's tracks from Rodion, Manfredas, The Off Key Hat, Andy Blake and Tim Fairplay, Munk, Headman, Mutado Pintado & The Sworn Virgins, etc, etc, so if thats your swag, have a listen! Or not. X



Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

Operation Solstice * The Battle of the Beanfield (Director's Cut extended version).

This newly edited and remastered Chanel 4 documentary has been doing the rounds for a couple of weeks now and is sure to be of interest! The Battle of the Beanfield took place over several hours on the afternoon of Saturday 1 June 1985 when Wiltshire Police prevented a vehicle convoy of several hundred new age travellers, known as 'The Convoy' and referred to in the media as the 'Peace Convoy' from setting up at the 11th Stonehenge Free Festival at Stonehenge in Wiltshire, England "Basically the police were extremely violent and beat up men and women with children." The whole reason that the government was so eager to stop the festival was the law which stated that 'after 12 years of gathering in the same place of celebration a national event automatically came into being and as a national event they would have been unable to prevent it from occurring again in the future.'

- "This is the original and 47 min extended version of the documentary about the Battle of the Beanfield - digitised from the last remaining sub-master tape to mark the 30th anniversary on 1st June 2015.
This films documents events that happened on 1st June 1985 when people tried to make their way to Stonehenge to set up what would have been the 11th People's Free Festival.
National government and local authorities had decided to put an end to both the Festival and the travelling lifestyle that growing numbers of people were adopting during the dark years of the Thatcher era.
It was the time of the Miners strike and anti-nuclear protests at Greenham Common. Anyone who did not agree with government policy was considered to be the 'Enemy Within' and was investigated, infiltrated, suppressed and marginalised.
The police stopped a convoy of 600 largely peaceful men, women and children as they made their way to Stonehenge. People drove into a field to avoid the police but were surrounded and given no chance of escape.
The Police operation had been planned for several months. New paramilitary equipment and tactics developed during the miners' strike were implemented; later in the day the people in the Beanfield were violently attacked by massed ranks of 1300 riot police. Large numbers of vehicles were destroyed and 536 people were eventually arrested - the largest mass arrest of civilians in English legal history.
It wasn't a Battle, it was an ambush where defenceless people were beaten and those that tried to defend themselves were beaten some more. Few, if any, charges were ever upheld against the people and in 1991 some of the Travellers successfully sued the police for damages. Although the judge over-ruled the intentions of the jury and all of their compensation was taken away in costs.
Why is this important when tens of thousands are massacred around the world annually? Because it's about freedom and hypocrisy - this is England, where we pretend to hold the moral high ground and we justify invading other people's countries to uphold human rights. But if our own house is not in order then who are we to judge?
This film was self-funded during the summer/winter of 1990/91 and Channel 4 provided some completion money for a 23 min version that was broadcast in October 1991 despite attempts by the Police to take out high court injunctions to prevent it."

- Gareth Morris and Neil Goodwin.

Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X