Monday, 2 September 2013

No UFO's: Part 2.

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As a general rule, careful on-the-scene investigations disclose that most "unidentified" flying objects are quite ordinary phenomena, such as weather balloons, meteorites, satellites, and even once a man named Lewis Mandel-Baumstall, who blew off the roof of the The Strawberry pub in the early 90's after a particularly heavy defeat for his beloved Newcastle United by Notts Forrest in the 3rd round of the FA cup. A typical 'explained' incident is the one reported by retired RAF pilot Sir Chester Drores, on May the 4th, 1961, in Shropshire:
"I was driving along the road at 2 A.M. and saw a cigar-shaped object that seemed to be tracking my car. No matter which way I drove, it stayed with me, turning sharply at right angles. It was a fierce, glowing red, and in spite of twisting and turning the car at high speed I could not lose it. I became alarmed and began sweating. I let out a shriek of terror and apparently fainted, but awoke in a hospital, miraculously unharmed." Upon investigation, experts determined that the 'cigar-shaped object' was Sir Drores' nose. Naturally, all his evasive actions could not lose it, since it was attached to his face.

Another explained incident began in late April of 1972, with a report from Major General Percy Trembling, of RAF Boulmer:
"I was walking across a field one night and suddenly I saw a large silver disc in the sky. It flew over me, not fifty feet above my head, and repeatedly described aerodynamic patterns impossible for any normal aircraft. Suddenly it accelerated and shot away at terrific speed."
Investigators became suspicious when they noticed that General Memling could not describe this incident without giggling. He later admitted he had just come from a showing of the film 'War of the Worlds, at the cinema and "got a very big kick out of it." Ironically, General Memling reported another UFO sighting in 1978, but it was soon discovered that he, too, had become fixated on Sir Chester Drores nose sighting - occurrence that caused consternation in the RAF and eventually led to General Trembling's court-martial.

If most UFO sightings can be satisfactorily explained, what of those few which cannot? Following are some of the most mystifying examples of 'unsolved' encounters, the first reported by a Yorkshireman in May of 2007:
"I was walking by the beach with my wife. She's not a very attractive woman. Rather overweight. In fact, I was pulling her on a bogie at the time. Suddenly I looked up and saw a huge white saucer that seemed to be descending at great speed. I must have panicked, because I dropped the rope on my wife's cart and began running. The saucer passed directly over my head and I heard an eerie, metallic voice say, 'Call your answering machine.' When I got home, I phoned my answering machine as the voice had instructed and received a message that my brother Derek had moved and to forward all his mail to Neptune. I never saw him again. My wife suffered a severe breakdown over the incident and now cannot converse without using a hand puppet."

From D.B. Rimshuckle, Corbridge, February, 1998:
"I am an experienced pilot and was flying my private Cessna from Ryton to Prudhoe, to bomb some people whose religious persuasion I do not wholly agree with, when I noticed an object flying alongside me. At first I thought it was another plane, until it emitted a green beam of light, forcing my plane to drop eleven thousand feet in four seconds and causing my wig to fly off my head and tear a two-foot hole in the roof. I repeatedly called for help on my radio, but for some reason could only get Alan Robson's 'Night Owls' program. The UFO came very close to my plane again and then shot away at blinding speed. By this time I had lost my bearings and was forced to make an emergency landing on the sea front at South Shields. I continued the trip in the plane on the ground and only got into trouble when realising I didn't have the correct change I tried to run the toll booth at the Tyne Tunnel and broke both of my wings off."

Finally, one of the eeriest accounts occurred in August, 2010 to a man walking along Church Point, in Newbiggin-By-The-Sea:
"I was in bed at my beach front caravan, but could not sleep because of some fried chicken in the fridge purchased earlier that very evening that I felt entitled to. I waited till my wife dropped off, and tiptoed into the kitchen area. I remember looking at the clock. It was precisely a quater to four. I'm quite certain of this, because our microwave clock has not worked in twenty-one years and is always at that time. I also noticed that our dog, Judas, was acting funny. He was standing up on his hind legs and singing, 'Spanish Eyes.' Suddenly the room turned bright orange. At first, I thought my wife had caught me eating between meals and set fire to the gaff. Then I looked out the window, where to my amazement I saw a gigantic cigar-shaped aircraft hovering just over the treetops emitting an orange glow. I stood transfixed for what must have been several hours, though our clock still read three fourty-five, so it was difficult to tell. Finally, a large, mechanical claw extended from the aircraft and snatched the two pieces of chicken from my hand and quickly retreated. The machine then rose and, accelerating at great speed, vanished into the sky. When I reported the incident to Police force, they told me that what I had seen was a flock of birds. When I protested, the chief of Police personally promised that the Police Force would return the two pieces of chicken.
To this day, I have only received one piece."

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